In the movie The Scent of a Woman, Frank, played by Al Pacino, delivers a speech where part of the line goes:
“Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was, without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard.”
Frank Slade, Scent of a Woman
Every time I see a fork in the road, I will beat around the bush and do whatever it takes to avoid choosing, just so I can delay dealing with it and move on a little longer. Only, this almost surely comes with a hefty price that needs to be paid somewhere in the future.
Emotions Are Not Noise
But here is what I’ve come to realise. The answer has always been with me. It comes sometimes in emotions and sometimes in a nudge at the back of my head that doesn’t go away. I have come to learn that emotions are indicators. They are not noise. They are not overreactions or just being sensitive. They mean something. Anger is a signal that a boundary has been crossed. Sadness is a signal that something needs to be released. Fear is an alarm telling you to pay attention. And that nudge, that quiet, persistent knowing at the back of your head that won’t go away no matter how much you distract yourself, that is perhaps the clearest indicator of all. It is the answer.
So why do we do this? Why, when the answer is already within us, do we still play mental and emotional gymnastics at a crossroads? I think it is because knowing the answer and choosing it are two completely different things. And it is the choosing that undoes us.
The Fear of Choosing
Because I find that on most occasions, when faced with crossroads, the answer can be pretty obvious, but that is not where the problem lies. The problem lies in choosing it. Because choosing it is scary and hard. It means facing the unknown. And for me, the fear of the unknown depends on the situation. Sometimes it’s the fear that I won’t be okay. Sometimes it’s the fear that if something goes wrong on this unknown path, I won’t be able to get ahead of it. Sometimes it just means feeling deeply uncomfortable because I can’t predict anything, and that feels like losing control.
Choosing it might also mean losing familiarity. Losing the comfort I’m accustomed to. Losing people who, even though they aren’t the best for me, I’ve built habits and routines with. Losing a version of myself that I want to grow out of, but I’m afraid that doing so means losing a part of me, even if that part is no longer functional or beneficial to me. Losing the time, money and energy I’ve already spent on work that doesn’t align with me or isn’t working, rather than changing lanes, because it’s just something I’m so used to doing and I’m afraid it will all be for nothing, even though continuing might lead there anyway.
And sometimes, choosing the answer means seeing something in myself or in my life that needs to change. And that’s scary. Because it means uprooting a lot. Changing long and strongly held perceptions. Changing parts of myself I’ve grown comfortable with. Doing hard work that takes away comfort. Dealing with possible backlash from people. Losing peace. Being afraid of what or who I might lose in that change. Being afraid of what that change even looks like.
And as Al Pacino says, that is hard. And I think the two things that make it hardest are fear and loss. Fear of what lies ahead and grief for what we leave behind.
I Experienced This Recently
Saffron and Sunday wasn’t always the name. Before this, this channel was Busyfoodbee. And around mid 2025, I felt that Busyfoodbee wasn’t working for me anymore. It was very difficult to admit because I had a lot of nostalgia attached to it. It was the name my husband and I came up with when I first told him I wanted to do content creation. We sat together and brainstormed the name in our little dorm in France. It was also the first niche I dipped my toes in, and I poured so much time, energy and money into it. I wanted to make it work.
So I kept going. But there was this nagging feeling, and the more I ignored it, the louder it got. I wanted to change lanes. I wanted to bring more of myself into the content, not just recipes, especially after I started my Tealizations and Coffeesations series. I didn’t want 100% food content anymore which was what Busyfoodbee was about. I wanted to share life too, how I interacted with it and how I experienced it, in hopes that someone could feel seen, heard, or even take something from it.
For a while, it felt like I had failed with Busyfoodbee. And maybe I did. But I didn’t fail at content creation. Because when I really thought about it, I realised it’s better to let go of something I’m not clicking with and change lanes than to stick with something and go down with it.
At first, changing lanes felt weird. Out of place. It meant refiguring everything, the type of content, the style, the posting frequency. It felt like starting over..
But now I realise that even though it can feel like starting over, and the beginning is hectic and hard, I’m glad I changed. Because I feel 100% more connected to the change I made than I ever did. And now everything just feels right. It clicks.
I’m relieved I made that decision. But there’s still a part of me that feels scared sometimes. Scared of where this new path is taking me or will it produce the results I’m pinning for. But honestly, I feel more positive than ever that this change is going to be worth it.
The Answer Was Always There
And maybe that’s the thing.
The answer was always there. I just wasn’t ready to choose it.
“Maybe that’s what meeting ourselves really means. Not finding the answer, but finding the courage to choose the answer whatever it may be.”
Bracing ourselves with the fact that it is going to be hard. There will be some days the doubt will creep in and try to swallow you whole. Some days even guilt will come knocking on the door. But the reward we reap from taking that too damn hard path, when faced with crossroads, will outweigh all of it. I promise you, it will be worth it.
So what is that crossroads looking like for you right now in your life?
Is it cutting off or distancing from people who no longer fit in your life?
Changing careers into something absolutely different, or quitting your job to pursue a dream?
Moving to a new country and having to leave behind loved ones?
Getting out of a relationship that doesn’t work anymore?
Reevaluating which friendships deserve more attention and care, while letting go of the ones that are no longer working?
Want more?
This post is based on Episode 8 of Tealizations & Coffeesations. The Sunday Newsletter has exclusive mini episodes, recipes, and stories you won’t find anywhere else. Delivered every other Sunday for your lazy morning read.
